Losing my dad during the pandemic…

Well, I thought this whole situation was just about staying indoors, learning a new hobby, watching/reading all the information about the pandemic on social media and waiting to resume normal social life. But I guess that is the best privilege one can ever have.

My dad took his last breath toward the end of the lockdown when I actually thought he can get to live a normal life again. Honestly speaking, I thought my father would survive any tough challenge in life only because he was such a fighter in the past. He had been in worse medical situations before and also survived them all! My family thought he would fight this too.

The picture of my dad protesting to me and my ma to visit the saloon for a haircut during the pandemic (April 2020) is still a vivid memory in my mind now. Going out and spending time with nearby local vendors was truly his favourite thing to do. This pandemic has certainly caused more emotional distress to elderly people out there. Today, many senior citizens have slowly migrated to social media to stay in touch with people. But my dad was still into his old motorcycle to meet his siblings and friends outside. That instantly gave him all the energy that he needed.

He was always an active man. He took care of the business, made bill payments (paid them after standing hours in the long queue), got the groceries for home, medicines, and a lot more, everything singlehandedly! I gotta say that my dad never let us (i.e. his wife and 4 daughters) know about any hardships he went through. He truly looked after us like queens.

My dad was probably the best gentleman I’ve ever seen till date. He was grounded, selfless, hardworking, modern, innocent, and most importantly, a human. He made sure to provide me and my sisters with the quality life amidst all the hard times. I’ve never felt safe with anyone except him.

Fast forward to today…

There is a rollercoaster of emotions running inside me. I wanted to be left alone but also be looked after by people. I want to be undisturbed but also be nagged to get me distracted from these overflowing thoughts. There is a lot of ‘what if’ moments coming up in my head.

A whole lot of regrets have piled up along with the rest of my other regrets. I regret becoming a graduate in Master of Science now. I wish I had taken up Biology stream in my school and studied to become a doctor… A doctor who had the ability to cure all the ailments of my daddy. I also regret not being a famous celebrity so I can have the best doctors to treat my dad in the hospital.

I honestly have no idea whether I hate or love this whole situation. This lockdown gave me an opportunity to spend more quality time with dad. I looked after him like a newborn baby. And I hate this pandemic because it made my dad immobile. But I guess it all happened for a reason. Maybe the universe wanted me to spend more time with my dad before taking him away from us.

Losing my dad changed my entire perception of this pandemic. Let me tell you something that may not sound right. But I think I should be happy that I spent the last days with my dad and saw his face for one last time. There are people around the world who did not have this privilege at this time. And my heart goes out to all of them.

And I hope that this, too, shall pass…