What is it like to lose a loved one?

Disbelief with doubts

The title by itself gives me a fear and a lot of random emotions. Be it death, breakup or estrangement, the very first feeling that hits through you is disbelief. You will experience an unimaginable heartache that you never knew it existed before. “Is this really happening?” question constantly rings up in your mind. Though your brain is ready to accept the reality, your heart only wants to deny it. You wish to travel back in time and undo/fix everything that had just happened. While it takes time for you to come to terms with the reality, you feel it is all unfair. “Why me?” would constantly prick your heart with a brick.

Guilt and regret

The worst two feelings that impact you the most are guilt and regret. A sequence of scenes with your loved ones from the past flash through your mind. You only wish you had been more kind, understanding, loyal and spent more time with them. In addition to that, you would blame yourself for the loss and feel devastated by these thoughts. But you would also compromise or let’s just say, fool your heart to justify your actions.

Frozen time

It is a rollercoaster of emotions. It is very lonely. You feel alone in a room full of people, run out of breath when the windows are wide open and the sun is bright up in the sky. You feel void when there are still many things occupied in your mind. It is life changing. Honestly speaking, it is either going to be a good or a bad one but the bad change is only temporary. You become vulnerable and private. But you still wish there was someone constantly by your side to provide you mental strength. You wish and pray for the time to fly sooner than before but it feels like the clock is frozen forever. Many solutions for speedy recovery hit your mind but you would remain adamant to stay hooked up with pain.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Now that everything about your loved one becomes a memory, would life be the same? I want to be brutally honest and say no. It makes you cautious about your future take on life. And most importantly, you are bound to realise the value of every relationship in the world. An estranged peace that was long-lost comes back to you. It accompanies with a tinge of pain to remind you what life would be without your loved one!

Click here to read my other blog to know how it feels to be in the middle of nowhere. You won’t regret! 🙂